Monday, 27 February 2012

Mom worries ...

I love the age my kids are at. It's so cool to see how well they have turned out & that the personalities they had as kids have really carried them thru.

But it's also a time of life when the worries we had when they were small are the worries I wish we had now.

Because then they were manageable & sometimes controllable.

Now, we have to send them out to the world, hope they do well & support them when we can when things don't go as planned.

Our oldest daughter has been married now for 4 years & we have the most amazing grandbaby in the world!

One of the perks of grandparenthood is bragging about your grandbaby because it really wasn't okay to brag about your kids. I broke the rule & did both but now with our grandson, there are no rules in our book!

Back to our daughter.

She married a lovely young man, who we have enjoyed but because they live 3 hours from here, we don't know really well. He is a great dad & good provider.

But like all married couples, they have had their share of ups & downs. Usually it centers around finances. They live in an incredibly expensive city, with incredibly expensive bills. In December, it was all too much & our daughter packed up & moved home, with grandbaby in tow. We cleared out our basement, rearranged things, painted & helped her move in. This trial "break" may become permanent & that breaks our heart.

It's hard to live in the same house & know she is hurting & we're trying to figure out if it's okay to offer our thoughts ... or keep our mouths shut.

Somehow, we missed the chapter on this one in the parenting books!

We had hard times too & I wonder if it's too easy now to just walk away. But they reassured us on the weekend that they have been doing marriage counselling, so I guess we just need to trust that if their relationship is over as a couple, they are committed to co-parenting in a civil manner. She'll figure it out & with her strong personality, she'll still do well.

One worry explained.

Our second worry is our third child, second son, who is set to be married in May. His fiance is now in the hospital, suffering from an eating disorder that got  out of hand after some grief & family difficulties. Because she can't work, he's stuck with all the bills. He works in a major hospital & is making a very good income at such a young age. But covering their entire financial load on one paycheque is tough & not leaving much room for saving for the wedding. He's searching for a second job right now that he can do on the weekends & again, I trust & know he'll figure it out.

But so hard to watch from the sidelines.

We offered to have them to come home to live with us for a while, to save & get ahead. He's thinking about it but they have a large, furry dog & unfortunately, that part would not work & is the only thing really stopping them. We can't have a shedding dog with us as I would never be able to breathe well or sleep at night.

Something I can do now, selfishly!

I wish we could make everything better for our kids  but realistically, this is the part of parenting where we truly have to step back & let our them work out life for themselves. It may be messy at times but it's life & we'll support them along the way as best we can.

4 comments:

  1. I know how you feel when you see your grown children hurting, sometimes I wish mine were little ones again so I could make a batch of cookies and snuggle up with them in the bed until they feel better. So many families are having hard times due to the economy I hate the thought of how many families are being destroyed from the lack of cash. Prayers for your kido's that they will find their way.

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  2. Thanks Debby. I really appreciate your compassionate words. This is when I find parenting hard & like you, wish a plate of warm cookies & a warm cuddle would make it all better. And I know tomorrow will be better. But makes my stomach ache with worry when they hurt & wish the economy could be kinder to our kids.

    In time, I'm sure things will work out. And I'm happy my kids are hard workers & are searching to find their own way as well. Proud of them!

    Blessings to you.

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  3. I'm so sorry that you're having these family worries. My kids are still single and both now live at home and everything is pretty ok for them now, but who's to know what the future will bring.
    My brother lived with us for 9 months last year while he was going through a trial separation. He has 4 young children and used to ring them every night. I was very worried as he is younger than me and there has only been the 2 of us since Mum died in 1988. Thankfully, the problems are now resolved and he is happily back at home again. I hope in your case the same happens for you :)

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  4. Thank you for your kind words, Sammyleia. I'm hopeful my daughter & son-in-law will figure things out & either continue their marriage, with new strength & new resources, or they officially part ways with dignity & resources to work together to raise their amazing son without conflict. Breaks my heart but they are talking each day & working together so far. My son's fiance was released from the hospital but now must go back each day on an outpatient basis. She seems to be doing ok but as I am a survivor of an eating disorder, we know that can change in a minute. He picked up his new car on Monday & is in heaven to have a vehicle that has a long warranty (no repairs for a long time), great gas mileage (no running out of gas so quickly) & a payment that fits so well into his budget, he'll be making extra payments to get it paid down quicker. He also set up his payments to come out of his account weekly, making the paydown quicker & the shock of a payment lessened. Proud of my kids & know that the hard days are always followed by good days. :)

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